Constant presence through change

Today, as I sit for the last time at my desk, seeing it empty as I have taken down all the pictures of my family, my friends; taken down my beautiful Butterfly 1903 Calender, put away my coffee mug and cleaned out my computer... I think of how fast time passes and how much things change over the course of the years. I worked at Almex for four years and four months. When I started, I was single. Now I leave, married and with a beautiful baby boy. I have gained so much in this short time.
Truthfully, I am teary eyed. Change is hard sometimes. Not because I'm sad, I'm not. I'm very much looking forward to being with my son. It's just weird how my life will be so very different.
But change is normal. Change is necessary.
A friend and co-worker put it simply as seeing life as a ride on a Train. People come, sit for a while, sometimes a short while, sometimes a little longer, then get off, or simply switch wagons.
People come and go. Jobs come and go, people get married, people move away, babies arrive and people die. That's just how it goes.
Change happens.

But, as I sit here taking it all in, I realize that the ONLY constant thing in our lives is the Lord.
Psalm 139 7-10 Says:
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your Presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; it I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, it I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

Nothing happens to us, that He is not already aware of. No change can come, that He does not know. For all the coming and going we do, He is there. He is always there.
I find this SO reassuring.
People may leave us, they may dissapoint us, let us down, and make us feel "unworthy". Material things come and go. But He stands by our side.

Today I am so thankful for this. For my God´s constant presence in my life. That I never need to feel alone. He is always with me.
For my father. Caleb's personal babysitter for these past 4 months. He has been SUCH a HUGE help. What a blessing he has been by taking such wonderful, loving and patient care of our son.
For the past 4 years, 4 months of working at Almex. The people I met, the things I´ve learned.
For this incredible opportunity to be able to quit my job and stay at home with Caleb. I know so many women would love to have a chance like this. I understand it is such a huge blessing.
For the closing of chapters, and opening of new ones. Change is good.
For the birth of one of my best friend's daughters this morning!! Niamh MacCabe =) Welcome to this world baby girl. We love you.

Vows & Vacation

This past weekend we took our first ever family vacation with Caleb to Puerto Vallarta.
To be honest, we were pretty nervous about it.
The amount of things that need to be packed for traveling with a baby, how he would take the 4 and a half hour drive, how he would behave at the wedding and how he'd like the beach and water.
But as my boss told me the day before we left, it went much better than expected.

Our friends' Sandy & Kobus's wedding was beautiful, the sunset absolutely stunning and their vows, wow. Brought tears to my eyes.
They made me remember my own beach wedding just two years ago and the beauty of the whole event. The enormous commitment that we chose to make, wanting our marriage to be very different from all the others. And truthfully, I think we've achieved it. But in the midst of the fun stuff, God is in the middle of it all. That's the greatest gift, I think, and the thing I feel has helped us achieve our goal.

Sandy, in her vows, stated that she knew that Kobus was not meant to make her happy, but to simply be a part of her happiness. Not to make her dreams come true, but to be a part of them if they DO come true.
I thought that was brilliant.
One of the things I think messes so marriages up is that we put so many expectations on our other half. We expect THEM to please US, to fit OUR requirements, to make OUR dreams come true. When it's not intended to be so. So, when we're unhappy, when our dreams don't come true, or our lives take a path we don't want them too, who do we blame??
WE are in charge of our happiness. No one else. WE are in charge of how we look at the world and how we face moments of crisis. Where in the book does it state that HE (or she) has to fulfill our every fantasy? I'm sorry, but WE are responsable for our own lives. And more importantly, our Creator has to be the CENTER of our lives. When we put other things before Him, even our spouse or our children, we get off track. They are important, of course, but they are not, or shouldn't be, the center of our lives.
WE have to seek our own paths, our own goals, our own dreams, our own happiness.
But when things don't go the way we want them too, who's fault is it? Is it ours? Is it His? Is it because He doesn't love us?
Romans 8:35,37-39 says:
Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted or hungry, or destitue, or in danger, or threatened with death?... No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow- not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below- indeed, nothing in all creation will ever separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

We choose our paths. God gave us free will to do what we wanted. But be aware! We must always seek His presence. We must always go to His word for the answer. It may not be written very obvious, but His answer is there. We must open our hearts and our minds to His word.
For those of us who trust in Him, we know victory is ours.
And for this I am so thankful.

Anyway, we ended up having a GREAT trip. Caleb was so good, and he enjoyed the new scenery. At first he didn't like the pool too much, because it was cold. But once he got used to it, he had a great time.
We took him to play on the sand, we put his feet in the ocean (he wasn't crazy about it) and the noise of the sea made him nap.
It was a beautiful experience.

After this trip, our beloved newlywed friend Sandy, goes to live to another country. We will miss her so much, but we are confident the Lord will bless her new life, in her new home, with her new husband.

Tonight I'm thankful for the Love of God. And His promise that He will love us not because of who we are, but in SPITE of who we are.
For our wonderful trip to the beach. That we went and came safely.
For every day of new memories with Caleb and my wonderful husband.
For the beautiful sceneries we take so much for granted. The beach, the mountains, the sunsets... Gorgeous gifts from God for everyday pleasures.

Turkey Day

Ok, so, I know it's a U.S. tradition, not a Mexican one, but as I've said before, I grew up in the states, so for me, it's a tradition I came to love very much.

I love the food, the smells, the cold weather letting me know Christmas is JUST around the corner.
The beautiful fall colors (and some years, SNOW), and the gathering of friends and family.

Every year we went to some very close family friends' home for dinner, and I LOVED it.
I miss it very much, but I'm certain that in a couple years, Lord willing, I'll be back for it, husband and baby in tow. =)

So for everyone (in the U.S.) reading this post, please eat some turkey, mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie for me.
And, just for the record, I'm thankful for:
My family. They make my days so much more complete. I love you.
My wonderful husband, I don't know what I'd do without you.
My beautiful healthy baby boy.
Salvation. The Lord is so good, and His love so huge. And He gives us so much, and asks for so little. Why would ANYONE not want to be close to Him??
Friends, and strangers reading this post, and especially for those willing to do the favor I asked. ;)

Happy Turkey Day!!

Five Months

Five months ago today, my son Caleb was born at 9:41AM weighing in at 3.610Kg (7.95Lbs)  50cm (19.68in). HUGE, healthy, perfect, and REALLY mad.

I will forever remember that day. I was so nervous. I remember laying in the O.R. shaking uncontrollably, the anesthesiologist was trying to make conversation with me, and I wasn't even paying attention. All I could think of was: I'm about to be a mom.
I couldn't believe it.
I couldn't believe how blessed I was for the oportunity to be a Mother. To grow within my body a little person. I had seen my tummy grow and grow for 9 months, I had felt his kicks and hiccups, but it was so surreal. I couldn't believe a baby was going to come out!!
I was amazed at my body, but so much more so, of God. Of His perfect creations. The miracle of life.
The love of my husband and myself, made flesh and blood.
And the responsability! Oh, the responsability. It was so frightening. Could I do it? Would I mess up? Would I mess HIM up??

I remember the doctor saying "he's coming!"
I was like: "NOW?? Already??"
I remember hearing Caleb's muffled cries, still inside me, as they were cleaning out his mouth.
It was then that I started crying.
The moment that I had waited my entire life for, was here.
I had a baby. I was a Mother.

He was so mad. He screamed and screamed. Poor thing.
When they finally brought him to me, the first thing I noticed was his full head of black hair, and his chubby chubby cheeks.
I spoke to him. And he calmed down. It was the most BEAUTIFUL moment of my entire life.

I remember also, when they brought him to our room, holding him, talking to him. I remember his cheeks were SO soft, that even when touching them, you couldn't feel them. They were like air.

Every day has been amazing. Some harder than others, but I wouldn't change anything. Not one thing. Every moment has taught me something more about my son. About his likes, and dislikes, what he needs, what he wants.
I always heard people say they could distinguish their baby's different cries. I didn't think they could have that many! But I know Caleb's cries. I know when he's hungry, when he's tired, when he's bored.
I know my son. So for all those who try and tell me what my son needs, or why my son cries, thanks, but no thanks. I got it.

Thank you Lord, for my son. Because he has filled my life with so much happiness, words could never express. Because he is a big, happy, healthy boy, full of energy and love. Thank You for these months with him. For every day of smiles, giggles, cries. Help us to be the parents he needs. Help us to love him more each day, with discipline and kindness. Help us, to lead him unto Your path so he grows to be the man You want him to be. Thank You Father.

Surprises

I hadn't had any time to write since last week because... SURPISE! My sisters came in from the U.S.
God is so good in so many ways. These are a few of the things I'm thankful for from the last week.

*My sisters, all 4 of them, and my brother in law Nathan. That they had a safe trip, and could surprise us with their visit. It has been soooooo much fun.
*My husband (once again). Thanks to him because he has taken care of Caleb so I could be with my sisters a while longer (especially in the evenings).
*Tortas Ahogadas from Ajijic. It's a typical dish here from Jalisco, México and we went on sunday to Ajijic, a town about an hour away from Guadalajara to eat them. Oh-so-good.
*Chapalita. It's an area around town with a roundabout. Every sunday artists put up their work and tons of people go to listen to music, look at the paintings, walk their dogs and best of all... EAT! Oh my goodness. It is WRONG how much we ate there. But sooo yummy! :D
*Gifts for Caleb and Daniela, my niece, from my sisters. They brought SO much stuff from the states. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to have to buy Caleb any more clothes until he's like 2 and a half years old!! Thank you guys so much!!
*Tacos, my sisters (and I) love them so much! And they are SO good. =) (REAL tacos, not the hard shell- taco bell stuff people think is Mexican)
*Tlaquepaque. Another town nearby we went on Wednesday. It was great walking around and just enjoying being with everyone.
*Laughing. Oh, so much laughing. My sisters crack me up. Whenever the five of us are together, be afraid! Be VERY afraid. LOL (my poor husband...)
*Love. So much of it. We all live very far apart (Minnesota, Miami, San Diego, Mexico) but the love is always there!!
*The three day weekend that lays ahead. Oh how much I need to rest!

One of my sisters left yesterday, and we already miss her so much. It's not the same without her. But I'm also thankful that she got home safe. Back home with her husband and her two gorgeous boys.
The other two, and my brother in law leave early sunday morning. I want time to go by slowly so we can make the best of it!

God is good. God is GREAT.
In the good times, like the past few days with my sisters, He is with us.
But we have to remember, that in the hard times, He is also with us.



VISA UPDATE!
I got my visa!! Thank you for ALL the prayers. As I said before, I felt confident. But not in myself, in my words, or even the U.S. Embassy. But in the Lord. And once again, He has shown Himself faithful and loving. I can't wait to travel!! =)

Halfway there!

So, I had my two appointments for the Visa. This is how they went:

First Appointment on Wednesday was REALLY fast. Basically just took my picture and my 10 fingerprints and I was out in 10 minutes. I wasted more time finding a parking spot (like 5 blocks away, and with 10cm. high heels that is NOT a good idea. Needless to say, my feet STILL hurt and I have blisters to show for it :-(  ) than at the actual appointment.

Second Appointment today: The interview was scheduled for 9:30AM, so I was there by 9AM. I got into the line, and like 45 minutes later, almost at the entryway, I was told I was in the wrong line. :-( So I went to the RIGHT one, and obviously I was sent to the very back. Bummer.
Anyway, I was in the line until 11:30, went in, but didn't get interviewed until almost 1PM.
The interview went really well. I was praying for the correct person whom I knew the Lord had prepared especially for me. And I was not wrong. He was really kind, and even made me laugh, which I was grateful for. He asked a lot of questions. About my immigration situation, my job, income, family etc. And in the end, told me he was accepting my passport as APPROVED, BUT since I have an immigration status pending on my record, he said that they needed to do further investigating and that in about 10 days, I'd be getting my passport back in the mail with the visa if it was approved, or without it if it was denied. BUT he also said that he didn't think that there should be any problem in approving it so... yei!!

I am so thankful to everyone that prayed for me. PLEASE continue to pray for the approval of the visa, even after their investigation. I am so happy to say that I was so calm before and during the interview. I know it was the Lord answering prayers, because I would have been a wreck if He hadn't been there with me.

I'm thankful that I have been confident in Him and Him alone. Not in myself, not in the U.S. Embassy, not in my words, or the documents I took with me. But in Him. He has not forsaken me. He has been with me every step of the way, as I know He will continue to be.

Prayers

Tonight I ask for prayer.

To some people it may not seem like a big deal, and comparing it to other things, it probably isn't. But for me, it is so much more than you can imagine.
I was born in Mexico, but when I was 5 years old, my family moved to White Bear Lake, Minnesota USA.
I lived there for 10 years until I came back the summer just before ninth grade started.
The story is long, and I don't want to bore you with the details, but the thing is, that since we came back, I have not been approved for the renovation of my Visa.
I hadn't gotten the courage to interview for it until 2007, which in the end, they denied me of it. I admit, I was a little heartbroken.
You see, three of my sisters still live in the U.S. with their families. And the idea of being able to visit them, to visit the place where I grew up, where I went to school, my childhood friends; being able to take my husband and show him rather than simply tell him about such a beautiful past; the IDEA of having a white christmas again, or a Thanksgiving... makes me a little teary eyed. :-)
I would LOVE to be able to take my son to the place Mommy grew up. Take him to Disneyland, and visit his cousins.
Words cannot tell you how much I want this.

Tomorrow at 5 p.m. I have my first of two interviews to see if they grant me the Visa. The second and final interview is Thursday November 10th at 9:30AM. Please pray for everything to go smoothly and for them to grant me the Visa, no questions asked. Please pray for me, for peace of mind and heart so I don't get too nervous, and especially for being able to accept the outcome. The Lord knows my heart, knows my desires, knows my motives, and I pray He will open doors and make this happen. But in the end, I am willing and ready to accept His will. Whatever that would be.

God has truly shown His faithfulness in this process.

Two saturdays ago, I renewed my passport. Something was wrong with the payment voucher the bank gave me and the "passport people" (:P) didn't want to accept it. They said it would probably be rejected, and that they'd call me if it was. If not, I could go pick it up on November 8th (today). So we prayed about it, and waited, day by day, and they did not call. So I showed up today to pick my passport up, and it was ready! No questions asked. Sorry bank people that I got kind of mad.

Then came time to make the appointment for the Visa interviews. Some people had told me the interviews were being given out for January! I did NOT have that long to wait! I had to do it before the end of november at the very latest!! So again, I prayed about it, and when the time came to make the appointment, the ONLY available date was two days from today (this thursday at 9:30AM) or until the middle of December! :-)
God is so good. He is so faithful. He can move mountains.

I'm so thankful tonight for all those praying for me. I really need and appreciate it.
I'm thankful for the peace I feel in my heart. Unlike the interview in 2007!
I'm thankful to the Lord for opening doors. One by one.

I am confident, but I put my faith in the Lord alone. Not in me, not in my words, not in the US Embassy. In Him.

In between Tears and Chocolate

After writing my friday night post, talking about how much new respect I have for single moms, I think I hit rock bottom on saturday.

Friday night was kind of hideous, to say the least. After my friday adventures, all I wanted to do, was sleep.

Apparently Caleb had other plans. HE wanted to play, and kick, and have a conversation (by himself, it seems) and did NOT want to be in his crib. So eventually I caved, and brought him to my bed. He played a while, sang, practiced his soccer, karate and football moves and slept and woke up at about 1 hour intervals.
Needless to say, by saturday morning... I was a zombie.
We went to breakfast at IHOP (Yummy! :-)  ) with a girlfriend of mine, then retreated back home to "rest".
Again, Caleb had other plans. He napped for about an hour, although for Mommy, it seemed like 5 minutes. I wanted to sleep for at least 3 days straight.
The rest of the afternoon, he wanted to play. Then he tired, and cried, played, tired, and cried. By 5pm, my head was pounding!! By 6pm, he was crying full throttle and I could NOT calm him down. I called my husband crying, begging him to give me the good news that he would be home that night, instead of sunday morning!
Mommy needed a break!
So, VERY good news, he was driving into the city just then. He hadn't told me, because he wanted it to be a surprise. But Daddy was on his way!! =D

Suddenly, I got a burst of energy. I played with Caleb a while longer, then put him to bed.

I realized later, that my patience had failed me. I had failed my son.
But when we were playing, and he gave me the biggest, most amazing grin, I knew he had forgiven me. :-)

As mothers, I understand we are not perfect. Far from it actually. Our children aren't either. In fact, both of us, are just beginners. And it's ok to mess up. It's ok to lose our patience. We're only human, right?
We're learning together. But it's the love for our children that makes us grow, makes us learn, makes us strive to be closer to the perfect mom he deserves. Closer to what my mom was for me.
I know now, that if I can be HALF as good a mom to Caleb, as my mother was for me (still is!), I know he will be proud of his Momma, and that I would have done a good job.

That night when my husband came home, I had SUCH a great feeling. I missed him. But I realized also, that he is so amazing. He helps me out so much, that my life without him, is upside down. It feels wrong.  It feels incomplete.
He surprised me with some chocolates that night. =) He definitely knows how to relieve a girl's stress!

So that night, and all nights, I'm thankful for my husband. He is a blessing in so many ways. He'll shy away when I tell him. But I always tell him. I don't know what I did to deserve him.

I'm thankful for my mother. Who taught me everything I know. And for what I don't know: she taught me to follow my instinct, my heart, and especially the Lord.

I'm thankful for every new day. To try again, to try better, to try harder.

Single Mom

So, I'm NOT a single mother. But today, I experienced a tiny bit what the world of a single mother is like, and I have to say... I have so much more respect for them now.

My husband left (really) early this morning on a business trip, and won't be back until late saturday night or early sunday morning. So it was just me and Caleb!!
We had never spent this much time alone, me and my son. And though I'm enjoying it soooo much, I gotta say, it's tiring!!

From bathing myself as fast as possible while he was napping, making and eating my own breakfast while entertaining the little one, to washing and sterilizing his bottles, getting him ready to go out, packing up the car, then hauling by myself my very heavy child in his car seat, along with his very heavy diaper bag, and my very heavy purse. My arms, and my back ache!!
Then started the adventurous trip to my parents' house to go see how Grandpa Ed was doing, then finding out they weren't home, then hauling everything back into the car.
I then decided to go to Caleb's Great Grandmother's house for lunch. When it was time for Caleb's next feeding, oh gi-normous surprise: Mommy forgot to pack the bottles! :-(
So Mommy RAN to pack everything (and everyone) back into the car, go home, give Caleb his bottle then go back to Grandma's house for lunch. (Extra bottles in tow, just in case). Obviously at this point I was STAR-VING! But... baby comes first!! :-)

Just as I was heading home, I remembered I had to stop at the pharmacy. So here comes Mommy, juggling baby Caleb in one arm and my wallet and groceries in the other arm. I swear, anyone watching me KNEW I was an unexperienced mother.
Anyway, here we are, safe and sound at home. I still have a whole night and another whole day to face "by myself", so let's hope there aren't any more adventures!!

I have a few friends who are really and truly, single moms. Who have no family here and no respective other and they manage everything by themselves. Work, school, errands, even having fun! And I so respect them for it! I haven't even gone 24 hours and I'm already ready for bed. It's not even 8PM yet! :-(

So, tonight I thank God sooo much for:

*My wonderful husband who is always there for us. Who works so hard and even if he's tired, we can always count on him. We split up all the house and baby chores 24/7. He truly is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I appreciate and love him so much. And I thank God he got to his destination perfectly fine, and pray he has a safe trip home. I miss you babe.
*For my wonderful family who helps us out so much too. I don't know what I would do without any of them!
*For all my friends who are single moms, and even a couple single dads, and all of those who I don't know personally. Thank God for you. For your strength and the love for your child that brings you to get up and going every day.
My hat's off to you!!

Baby Giggles and Starbucks

Normally my Dad does us the HUGE favor of taking care of Caleb while we're at work, but he's sick as of yesterday (my Dad, not Caleb) so I got to stay home and be with my little man today. :-) Yey!!
So, after going to lunch with my best friend who came in from out of town, I sit here drinking my delicious Mocha Frappe (WITH whipped cream :-)  ) and biting away at my blueberry muffin (yes, I feel bad...), and Caleb lays playing happily with the Starbucks paper bag. It's a perfect world.

There probably aren't as many things that can make a mother's heart soar as to hear her baby laughing.  It makes me feel alive, feel soooooo blessed to have him healthy, in my arms and NOT crying!! Though I must say, that even though the crying may be... well... annoying at times. I thank God, even for that.

Anyway, I lucked out and got a video of my baby's giggles. Seriously, the BEST Mommy-high a girl can experience!!

So tonight, I'm grateful for:
*My Son and his beautiful laugh! May my life be filled with this laugh for so many more years to come!
*My Dad. He has been SUCH a huge blessing in our lives; in Caleb's life. Praying he feels better soon!!
*My boss! Seriously, the best boss EVER. Thankful he understood the situation. He ALWAYS understands any situation. =)
*Starbucks. Meets Mommy's needs, and entertains baby boy in the meantime!! . :-) What more could I ask for??

Here's the video! Sorry it's so blurry. I'm still trying to figure out how to make them small but of good quality. Enjoy!!

Hope, Faith, Love and Jude

For the past 2 weeks, I have been following daily a blog a friend of mine introduced me to via Facebook. The blog is basically about the trials this family went through with their baby boy who was diagnosed with Down Syndrome and a heart defect since before birth. His infinite struggles during his 67 days of life are truly heartbreaking, but the thing that keeps me going back to read their blog everyday is the amazing faith and love they have in the Lord. It is truly a beautiful thing.
I find it so uplifting that they have found so much comfort in the Lord during their suffering. I cannot for the life of me, stop reading their blog.
Reading all their experiences, has only gotten me closer to the Lord.
I have been a Christian since I was 8 years old. But never, NEVER in all my life have I felt closer to Him, more in love with Him, than I do now.
It is because of this beautiful baby boy and his family, that I have come to cherish all the more, every single day with my son, with my husband.
I find myself praying all day. Not asking God for anything. Just praying. Worshiping Him. I find myself singing for Him, in the office, in the car, in the shower. Praying with my husband, and reading and studying the bible with him.
Thank You Lord. That Jude, with his tiny tiny body, at such a young age, has touched more lives, than most of us will in a lifetime. Thank You, for the Pelton's. For sharing their story, and for loving and praising You in the midst of their suffering. Because they know that their baby boy was but a gift, lent to them by You. For Your purpose and for Your timing. Thank You, that they trust in Your promise, that death is not dying, but a mere reception for an eternity in Your presence, and that they will see him again.

If you can, check out their blog here. I have found it...beautiful.

Getting Started

For a while now, I've been wanting to write a blog, but my nerves got the best of me. I was scared. Scared of boring myself, of boring you, of not knowing what to write.
I finally decided to go for it.
I chose the name "Thankful", simply because I have so many reasons to be, well, thankful. Like we all do, don't we? However, I think many times, our everyday lives, our routines and the fact that we get so caught up in our stuff and in our whims, that we forget to thank the Lord for the simple, wonderful things in life He gives us.
In 28 days, my life will change dramatically. After 8 years of working full time, I will become a full time stay at home mom and housewife.
On one hand it was an easy decision to make because it's so that I can be full time with my 4 month old son. Which for me is the most important thing in the world right now. To see him grow, learn and to enjoy him while he is still so tiny (in age, because he is HUGE in size. :-)  )
On the other hand, it was a difficult decision because, well, I was afraid of having an ordinary, routine oriented life.
To (help) avoid that, I've started my blog.
In it, I wish to jot down all my wonderful, and not-so-wonderful experiences as a mom and housewife. Wich, I'm sure, will be a huge adventure. Also, I want to list frequently (probably not everyday because I'm not sure a certain 4 month old baby boy will let me) the things I am so thankful for.

Today, in between SO many things I'm thankful for are:

*YOU! Yes, you! Thank you for reading my humble little blog.
*Today's technology that makes this possible. Crazy, isn't it?
*For courage to get it started!

God is so good.