In between Tears and Chocolate

After writing my friday night post, talking about how much new respect I have for single moms, I think I hit rock bottom on saturday.

Friday night was kind of hideous, to say the least. After my friday adventures, all I wanted to do, was sleep.

Apparently Caleb had other plans. HE wanted to play, and kick, and have a conversation (by himself, it seems) and did NOT want to be in his crib. So eventually I caved, and brought him to my bed. He played a while, sang, practiced his soccer, karate and football moves and slept and woke up at about 1 hour intervals.
Needless to say, by saturday morning... I was a zombie.
We went to breakfast at IHOP (Yummy! :-)  ) with a girlfriend of mine, then retreated back home to "rest".
Again, Caleb had other plans. He napped for about an hour, although for Mommy, it seemed like 5 minutes. I wanted to sleep for at least 3 days straight.
The rest of the afternoon, he wanted to play. Then he tired, and cried, played, tired, and cried. By 5pm, my head was pounding!! By 6pm, he was crying full throttle and I could NOT calm him down. I called my husband crying, begging him to give me the good news that he would be home that night, instead of sunday morning!
Mommy needed a break!
So, VERY good news, he was driving into the city just then. He hadn't told me, because he wanted it to be a surprise. But Daddy was on his way!! =D

Suddenly, I got a burst of energy. I played with Caleb a while longer, then put him to bed.

I realized later, that my patience had failed me. I had failed my son.
But when we were playing, and he gave me the biggest, most amazing grin, I knew he had forgiven me. :-)

As mothers, I understand we are not perfect. Far from it actually. Our children aren't either. In fact, both of us, are just beginners. And it's ok to mess up. It's ok to lose our patience. We're only human, right?
We're learning together. But it's the love for our children that makes us grow, makes us learn, makes us strive to be closer to the perfect mom he deserves. Closer to what my mom was for me.
I know now, that if I can be HALF as good a mom to Caleb, as my mother was for me (still is!), I know he will be proud of his Momma, and that I would have done a good job.

That night when my husband came home, I had SUCH a great feeling. I missed him. But I realized also, that he is so amazing. He helps me out so much, that my life without him, is upside down. It feels wrong.  It feels incomplete.
He surprised me with some chocolates that night. =) He definitely knows how to relieve a girl's stress!

So that night, and all nights, I'm thankful for my husband. He is a blessing in so many ways. He'll shy away when I tell him. But I always tell him. I don't know what I did to deserve him.

I'm thankful for my mother. Who taught me everything I know. And for what I don't know: she taught me to follow my instinct, my heart, and especially the Lord.

I'm thankful for every new day. To try again, to try better, to try harder.